Anticipation.

When I was little, there was a moment I just fell down on the floor and started to cry because I didn't want to grow up. Nothing was going on, no one was even around, I was just walking through my parents bedroom and I was in the doorway, frozen and distraught, that I was going to grow up.

As you can see, I've been prone to have problems with change.

Well, let's back up. I hate anticipation.

Confession: I hate balloons. Why? Because they could pop and if they do pop, I don't know when or how loud. I can't stand rubberbands. Why? Because, I assure you, there is someone around me who likes to snap rubberbands, I don't know when or how much it's going to hurt.

I had ridiculous amounts of anxiety until, literally, the day of my wedding. Then, my thoughts were "Yay!!! I'm getting married- it's the best day ever!!!" and I had the best day ever!


During the last part of my pregnancy with Gage, I started freaking out, "A baby is going to change our marriage, our life!" were my thoughts. Both are true, but it's not in a bad way like I was afraid. I went into labor and hours later I was crying my eyeballs out at the beautiful sight of our baby boy.

So it's all about the anticipation. Anticipating all that can happen between point A and point B.

All of these thoughts were sprung on by me getting my hair cut. I was going crazy because of whether or not I should do it (especially since my long hair was considered my best feature), but now that it's gone, I'm fine! It'll take getting used to. Seriously, I have to use a small fraction of shampoo than what I use to. So I think we can consider this a money saver, right? Haha.

I made a huge change and gave 10 inches of my hair to Locks of Love. I really encourage you to do the same if you can. It means so much to me to be able to participate in this charity and I hope it means as much to the receiver. I'm learning more about kindness and self-sacrifice and, and as small as it really was, I think this was really huge for my heart.

Every time I look in the mirror or mess with my short hair, I can be reminded that I need to be constantly finding ways to serve others because there are opportunities to share love and show people that you care ALL of the time...

Even if you're just giving a few inches of hair.

So I'll willing run through the anxieties of anticipation because it's just another way of bearing my cross. Of course my worldly, self-centered nature isn't going to want me to show the kindness of Christ. I can't let it win because I am a Child of God, and I better start acting like it.

Are there any specific charities that you want people to know about?

Our Simple Life

Is it bad that I've been daydreaming about chickens, eggs, cows, and farm fresh butter? Matthew and I are taking on another challenge of lifestyle change and I can't be more excited!

1) We've switched to cloth napkins and barely ever use paper anymore and 2) cloth diapers have been a great change. Simply due to Christmas time I haven't been able to sew enough diapers and inserts to do cloth full time, but plan to get it done when this wonderful season is over!
3) We now drink loose leafed tea and 4) we use baking soda and peroxide to brush our teeth, no toothpaste to be found here and my teeth feel so much cleaner. 5) I make Gage's baby food. Hm...I think that's it?

So next on our list of major and minor lifestyle changes consist of: 1) Making our own soap, 2) making our own (healthy!) bread, and 3) start a garden!

4) We are planning to get our chickens in the spring and somewhere afterwards, we'll be getting 5) a cow to eat and 6) a milk cow. It's a lot, and I know I'm looking at a lot of work, but that's why we're trying to make the change gradual so that we can slowly work all of these thing into our schedule and just make it all a part of our life.

I've never had "real" milk and butter before, and I'll be the first to tell you, I'm probably too excited about it, haha.

I look forward to raising Gage in this kind of lifestyle, I think it's a healthy way to grow, both physically and emotionally. Also, I may be taking on 2 more kiddos in the near future. I used to babysit them and I may be doing so again! If I do, I'm confident in knowing that my home will be a great environment for them. No cable and all.

I guess my success will never be in a college degree, which can bother me sometimes. I tell Matthew that I want to go to school for "general education", but he laughs and objects. There really is no sense in going to school with no end goal, so it would be a waste of money. I'm pretty sure my success is going to lie behind adorable kids, a little farm, and the best darn bread you've ever tasted.

So the "simple" life doesn't always mean "easy", but the easy route is not usually the one to go on anyways.

Love, Mommy

So this is it, huh? This is what it's like.

The love of a mommy.

My Little Ray of Sunshine is having his first run of sickness. Not entirely sure if it's the bug going around or if it's allergies. I'm leaning towards the latter. What I do know for sure is that I woke up to a little boy with puffy eyes, snotty nose, and a congested cough. He's slept 5 hours in naps today (which is a ton in comparison to yesterday), which is partially due to me laying down with him. He sleeps MUCH longer when he's cuddled with.

I kissed his little cheeks that had dried snot on them, I hugged on him and he shared all of his germs, and gnawed on his hand that was covered in slobber just because it made him cackle hysterically. I told him tonight, "I'm so glad I have you". Because I am.

I spend my days at home and we hardly go anywhere, but I'm having to learn how to actually spend time with him. Not just be in the same room. I'm working on it though. I want him to know that this mommy of his doesn't mind getting on the floor and crawling around. Seriously, what is better to do than the little things that make my baby grin from ear to ear?

Even though I've been lacking in the playing area, this kid literally makes my heart swell when I look at him. It's a new aspect of love that I'm getting to experience.

What's been your favorite part of mommyhood?